| (no subject) |
[Mar. 18th, 2005|08:09 pm] |
I saw a lot of different people today and it got me to thinking. I'm
pretty young, which means that no one takes me completely seriously. But here is my thought, take it or leave it:
I don't think people like each other. We're all just depending on each other for various favors or necessities. You
wouldn't have a "best friend" but for the fear of being lonely and you
wouldn't have a lover but for the fear of not being loved. If we
were all as self-dependent as we claim, relationships would not exist.
I don't think you can have love at first sight because until you are
certain of the qualities and characteristics of a person, you can't
know how they will be able to benefit you. I think all humans are
wholely self-centered when you scrape down to the core. We all live our lives for ourselves, because it is truly the only perspective we can ever master.
This isn't to say that it is impossible to have friends, of course.
Equally obvious, people who don't get along are not friends. We have
friends for ourselves, though. We love certain people because they have
qualities that are compatible with our personalities, and therefore
they cause as little conflict
in our lives as possible. Thus, the whole concept of having friends is
selfish. I try to think of an action that has no selfish motivation
whatsoever, but even sacrifcing your own life could be seen as
self-centered, because by killing yourself or giving up something for
someone else you are escaping from reality for your own satisfaction.
What do you think? |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Feb. 17th, 2005|07:05 am] |
If anyone wants to fix my intensely ugly livejournal, feel free to do so. I can't seem to change any of the settings and I've given up.
Today...was...awesome.
I had a shults test in 6th, but thanks to what/whoever the bomb thing was, I did not have to take it. So I had 2nd period (blow off) and half of 4th...and all we did was watch this movie on Peru. Those Peruians sure can shake their stuff.
anyway, I saw Christine on the football field today and it was awesome because I miss her so much. "Nice Pen..." ha.
today was also nice because the instructor person never showed up so we all just left. SCORE.
Also, tomorrow is friday. SARAH J's birthday! Which excites me to no end.
All in all, twas a fantastic day. Wish I could relive it.
Especially the part when Mary told the Holly boy that she didn't want to die without making out with him first. Made me giggle.
PAZ |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Feb. 5th, 2005|11:12 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Believe Me Natalie...The Killers | ] |
Tonight was awesome. Mary, Roland, Jared and I went bowling up at that place on Wilson Road (which we found with the least amount of trouble). It was really fun; we are considering making a tradition out of it. Better than sitting around in people's cars saying "what do you want to do?" in British accents all night. Roland and Jared were asleep the entire time, but it was ok, because that made them easier to beat. Mary won all three games and I got 2nd each time. The boy/man working behind the shoe counter was all "bon jour" to me. So being the incredible fast-paced-intellectual girl that I am, I said "Oh, do you speak French? All of it?". "Wee, madamwazelle". Quite fun that was.
My cat is really awesome.
Jana came over last night and we ordered a pizza but then we started a "scary" movie. and of course, being all alone, our jumpiness was only heightened. We forgot about the pizza (because it took a flipping 1.5 hours to arrive), so when the doorbell rang I thought it was a serial murderer/raper/the guy who lives across the street. So I crouched in the front room and stared at him through the blinds and Jana stood right in front of the door. It was especially scary when he opened the outer creaky door and knocked on the real door. Poor guy. He must have rang and knocked for about 5 minutes. Then he headed for the back. I told Jana to get in my parents room and call the cops. Then, running through the kitchen to grab a knife, I suddenly thought, It Might Be The Pizza. So I ran out the front door in my pjs and screamed "Pizza Man!", with a hidden knife. After I persuaded him I was ok, I explained the situation. He didn't even check to make sure I gave him the right amount of money. He just gave me the pizza and walked briskly to his car. Hmph.
Now I'm drinking a diet verners and wishing it was only 9 and I was still out. I'm going to read some Gatsby and then go to bed.
I hope everyone has a great weekend. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jan. 28th, 2005|05:54 pm] |
I am playing with my cat, who is currently very entertaining.
Everyone is at the basketball game because of choir and whatnot...so I'll probably just stay home and play with Charlotte...even though I was going to go out. My plans foiled. ah well.
Today was pretty good. My first four periods went by enormously fast. But them of course I get to Chemistry and it's like a 2 and a half year long depression. Or panic. In the last 5 minutes she was like OH YEAH here's another new thing....Amanda and I rolled our eyes in perfect unision.
I had to bring this girl named Amber back to KHS at 3:30 for region orchestra or something like that. So then I went home and cleaned some...I should be cleaning the downstairs now but I don't feel much like it. But then again, when would I ever?
My cat has thouroughly ripped my orange feather to shredds...now she's working on my beads.
Have splendid evenings. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jan. 26th, 2005|10:26 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | try and guess | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | anything but Keane | ] |
I'm so incredibly aliwefjalodjiaojdf right now. Why?
My parents are jerks.
Aw, come on, you're just a spoiled kingwood brat acting overly sensitive to your little problems with your parents.
NO I'M NOT.
honestly.
And you know what? Screw acting like I don't care. I do care! Ok? Yes, I am sad and Yes I know I'm craving attention but WHAT THE HECK I don't CARE. So criticize me all you like, you super independent awesome people that you are. Good for freaking you.
It's more than just a concert, I guaruntee you. I am so jealous and angry it's like I have this huge chemical reaction taking place around my stomach and it's about to explode.
I know no one cares, but I don't care either. So scrunch up your noses at me, you elite rulers of whatever this is.
I feel slightly better. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Dec. 30th, 2004|02:57 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | it's obvious | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Eagles | ] |
Gosh, I hate it when people overreact about stuff I do. I mean, no one's perfect after all. I am allowed to screw up. It's not like I always am going to be the way I mostly am. Why do people that I'm this self righteous little girl who enjoys making people feel inferior? I'm not.
It's amazing how a few sentences can ruin your whole day. And see, the irony is now I'm the one overreacting. So maybe it should just all be over and we should all just simultaneously stop and realize. That's what I'm going to do, anyway.
Most of us are sad
No one lets it show
I've been shadows of myself
How was I to know?
Tell me scarlet sun
What will time allow?
We have brought our children
Here who can save them now?
Oh, weeping woman try to smile
Like the coming dawn
Most of us are sad its true
Still we must go on
Love was here today
Oh the sun was bright
I will sing you faraway
Love is here tonight
Most of us are sad
No one lets it show
Ive been shadows of myself
How was I to know? |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Dec. 11th, 2004|09:30 pm] |
|
What IS an allotrope? And more importantly, who cares? |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Dec. 10th, 2004|11:15 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Nickel Creek | ] |
I really am glad this week is over. It took long enough. Now I have this weekend to do all the reviews.
This is bad.
I went to the choir christmas concert with Sarah and Sara and it was amazing. I simply love it. The best part was when one of the choirs started coming in and they were all singing "alleluia" differently and I just nearly died. With eyes closed, it sounded like nuns singing in a convent (like in The Sound of Music). Anyway, afterwards, as usual we just stood around debating over what to do. ARG. But I met Jared's mom: she is very friendly and energetic. So then we went to Box to the Jack^2. And we stayed there for awhile doing nothing. Some people ate, most didn't. Then we stood outside for nearly 30 minutes talking and the like. We went to Sarah's house and I looked at pictures. OH and I got 6 roses (YAY). People (like Sarah) are way too nice to me. But now I have something to put in my KIWI print vase (vazz). That was nice of her.
Al has an exam tomorrow, Saturday. Maybe I am just ignorant, but I have never heard of such insanity. It wouldn't be the first time I am just blind to the harsh facts of the world. Educate me, someone. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Dec. 4th, 2004|09:25 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Nickel Creek | ] |
ARG I hate group projects. I am always the dork who ends up doing all the work and just letting the rest of the group members copy.
I QUIT.
Find some other over-achiever to do your work, you leeches.
No offense intended. Just servere authoritarian denial. I only wish I felt empowered.
I'm off to explore trivial pursuit with my charges.
Then I'll probably do the English project.
Because not only am I a wimp, but I am also paranoid. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 29th, 2004|07:22 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Trans-Siberian Orchestra christmas cd | ] |
I am feeling pretty carefree right now, which is nice. I am getting a TAD bit worried about college, but then I just block out that thought and go back to mindless activities like seeing how long I can keep a balloon in the air with my feet. School was not that bad. I have not a lot of homework, since I finished The Killer Angels and Billy Budd on Saturday. And those freakishly stupid essays. I still maintain Cap. Vere could me primeval...is that the word? I adore instant hand sanitizer. Its such a picker-upper. If you are feeling sad, just put some on your hands and you will feel clean and happy. Ken Jennings is at around 2.5 million. Just think about how much he has to tithe. sheesh. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 26th, 2004|08:34 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Snow Patrol: Run | ] |
This week was not so bad. I had the intention of catching up on time with friends, and it turned out I hardly did anything with anybody. Friday night with Jana and Sunday night with Mary (my lip is 75% healed and should be all better by the time school starts). Mary accidentally whapped me in the face with a noise maker, after which I had a gigantic bruise on the inside and outside of my lip. The family and I went and saw the Dead Sea Scrolls on Wednesday. It was nice, but quite mind boggling. I couldn't really comprehend everything at once. I made a scarf. I adore it and have worn it a lot. My mom made some pies for thanksgiving. They were so good. Jared called and we talked a little on Thanksgiving. Other than those instances, I have been a complete recluse for the entire break. I called the "youth pastor" and the church I somewhat gruggingly attend, and tried to remain calm as I explained how I felt. about stuff. And surprisingly, he's not such a bad guy. I mean, he can't fix anything, but for an interesting conversation, he wasn't bad at all.
Now I have a couple of books to read, some stuff for english to do (wha?) and several other aggravating bullets on my mind.
Tomorrow we have to clean the yard and put up christmas decorations. But after that, who knows? I may just make some concrete contact with the outside world. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 17th, 2004|09:06 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  cynical | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Nickel Creek....the 2nd song... | ] |
I could spit on a stranger.
You're a bitter stranger.
When it rains the barometric pressure goes funny and it makes you sad. For me, it affects my SOUL.
Usually rain is nice. This evening rain is making me depressed. At least that's what I'm blaming it on.
This journal bit is overrated. I give it 1/2 star tops. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 6th, 2004|12:55 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Killers | ] |
Well so far this weekend has been fun. Friday in English was fun. Mike made a stellar performance (wince wince) and it was very funny. Especially the music. I watched Psycho yesterday when I got home from school. Then I was going to go see a movie with Corey and David and some other person, but they were going to go see SAW, which didn't sound like much fun to me. So yeah.
Then I went to Mary's house. Sarah, Ben, Mary, and I hung out for a while, and then since it was 10 and Ben had to be home at 10:30 (I think?), we decided that he should spend the night with us at Mary's house. So we made a list of reasons why, and I called his mom and we talked and talked and I just tried to be casual about it..."Yeah, Ben should definately hang out with us...all night..". But it worked, and she laughed and actually agreed. So BEN shared a slumber party with us. It was his first in a long time, actually. We watched Dannie Darko. Everytime that voice would come on, Mary and I would cling. We are scary-movie-virgens. It wasn't scary, it was just weird. I stayed up until 6 o clock (everyone else was asleep by 5...except for Mary...she fell asleep earlier), which meant that I was up for 24 hours. Then I went to sleep. We ended up all sleeping on the couches in Mary's living room, which isn't easy. I layed my head on Mary's leg/rear on one couch and Sarah and Ben took the other couch. I didn't go to the library this morning because I didn't want to. I am going to stop doing that, I really hate it.
When I got home, we started working on the lawn. I washed windows and cleaned the inside of the house too. So I just finished that and am now lounging. I have 25 minutes until my 4th cousin, Chelsea, gets here. She is so awesome. We went tubing this one time, and the boat was going so fast and we whipped around and ran right over a buoy (BU ee), went flying through the air, and landed with my on the very bottom of the tube and her sitting on top of me. I love those kinds of laughs. So then I am going to meet my brand new 4th cousin (I use the term loosely). I think the adults are going to go get pedicures and Laura and Chelsea and I are going to go see a movie or something. I CAN DRIVE. I LOVE IT.
I've been feeling sad about stuff, but I think I am ready to just get over it and not be sad. I mean, I won't get over the problem, but I will get over the saddness of the problem. Right.
cellar door |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Oct. 29th, 2004|11:13 pm] |
Today didn't feel like a Friday. I kept convincing myself it was Thursday, but it wasn't. The rain was glorious. Walking (not running) to my car splashing around in puddles was just such a Denmark moment. I went back.
So after soaking myself and my car, I zoomed home and was called upon to run some errands (one r or two? brain freeze), which I did without the slightest bit of grumbling. Then mother and I went to Patti's house and picked up some junk. Next we went to the mall were she spent money on me and I thanked her. I am very excited about homecoming. I mean, like 20% nervous and 80% excited. Yes, I analyze my emotions.
I am so pleased Jared did NOT get me a mum. I mean, I really would have hated for him to spend a lot of money on something I didn't want at all.
Manana es el baile.
AMORIANO |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Oct. 27th, 2004|06:24 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | fine | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | TAKE ME OUT franz ferdinand | ] |
School wasn't so bad today. I wasn't really tired until I got home. I picked up Mary from escuela and drove her home. Then I played HORSE with Laura. She won. She is all into the athletic thing all of the sudden. She is trying out for basketball and she practices a lot. She is also getting really awesome at the clarinet, which she also practices a lot.
English wasn't as bad as I was expecting. I spent a lot of time studying the transcendentalists (and you'd think I'd be able to spell it correctly by now. Oh wait did I?) so I felt pretty prepared. HOWever, after I talked to David and Corey, I found out that I got at least 4 of the multiple questions wrong, if not more. Hate that. I hate multiple choice, which is a new thing for me.
In Chemistry we did this lab thing that I actually understood. And there was this overriding suspese because if you put the zinc powder on a paper towel it will IGNITE! So I wore an apron, goggles, and gloves at all times. I didn't take the goggles off until after the bell so I had a lovely (and I do mean lovely) goggle face for lunch. And I hate latex gloves. They smell like hospitals. Or maybe hospitals smell like them. Anyhow, Chem wasn't so bad today.
I'm going to go read some history. I am so behind in that class.
Oh yeah Mary is going to homecoming with Ben! That was my good news today. I am excited to see here there.
Trix. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Oct. 24th, 2004|10:13 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Franz Ferdinand, Archduke of Austria | ] |
I saw "Schindler's List" for the first time today.
Wow. I cried like a baby. I had a very emotional day today.
At church I got all into the music because some people from the predomidantly African American church sang a gospel style song and I got way too into it. Laura was blushing because she was next to me. I don't really have a singing voice, but once I get the urge, I tend to let loose. Which isn't always a good thing. So what? I like clapping my hands and singing LOUDLY. Who cares. Well, besides Laura. So then we ate lunch at Jason's Deli and I had a sandwhich. It was really good. I saw my orthodontist's daughter and we exchanged the usualy squeaky voiced hiii how aaaareee yooou? Smile, wave, retreat. Then at home I did some homework and watched Schindler's List with my parents. I was extraordinarily moved by that movie. I lashed out at a friend afterward because he had made racial jokes in the past.
Yeah, real emotional DAY.
So this guy never called. But he said he would and that we "would do something". Way to get my hopes up. So for a couple of hours I toted the phone around with me everywhere. I mean, my numbers in the phone book. I did give it to him a long time ago. I feel so stupid for being so anxious about a stupid thing like that, but like I said, keyword is EMOTIONS. Once it rang, but it turned out to be some long distance survey caller named Lacey. I lashed out at her, exclaiming that I didn't have time to take any surveys and if I did, I am still not over 18. She was like "...ok bye".
I have a huge raw blister on my right middle finger from writing. I hate those kind of blisters because every time you pick up a pen, it screams and bleeds. So I neosporined it and it is now cutting off the circulation on my finger. Which is fine by me.
Even if he didn't want to do anything, he still said he would call. OH WELL.
Now I am going to go to bed.
Whooowhooo |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Oct. 20th, 2004|11:20 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  discontent | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Inverted Einsteins (duh) | ] |
Today was good. I didn't have history, which is nice for a break. And tomorrow I won't have Chemistry. Which will be glorious.
After school we (wait nevermind. everyone who reads this already knows all about it)......
that's what I hate. I write a lot of junk about what I did, but no one really cares. Like, sure people care but no one really wants to know what I did today. Because the only people who read this already know what I did today. basically.
I really don't have any talents or hobbies. I have known this for quite a while. Like Mary has an awesome voice and Mike is into the whole photography bit and everyone has something. Ben is a guitar master, Sarah is in choir too, Jared swims, and I sit around and do nothing but homework. So I'm trying to think of something clever to take up. I know how to balance a check book! That should count for something. I think I just want to go huddle somewhere and skip the next couple of months. I would emerge at Christmas. By then I would be rejuvinated.
It is shaking, it is breaking
Detonated by the hint of discovery
It is thus far undetected
From the critics and scholars of this realm.
Let me hide, please let me crouch here undiscovered
in the shadows of my heart.
Your help is a hindrance
trying to expose me to the sun.
But I feel so out of sight, so very undetected
When I’m behind these disguises.
--Inverted Einsteins |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Oct. 18th, 2004|11:04 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | stevie wonder | ] |
Today was actually a really good day. Ben D. came to visit Mary in the morning and it was good. 1-3 periods were completely uneventful. In spanish, I had a test. Lunch was fun because Jared was there instead of in the library. But someone had spilt watter all over the floor below our table and my feet kept sliding and I had no where to put my bag. But yeah. This History timeline is killing me. It took me 3 hours just to finish one part of it. And then I had all my other junk to do, which I did, except for math. Which I hate.
I made up a riddle, but it is dumb. I am in the mood for a Jane Austen movie. Which is odd because I usually only watch them when I have a lot of free time. Which I have none of.
Today I drove to Walmart Neighborhood Market with Laura because she needed contact solution. And I didn't get in any potencially harmful situations. So I went home and started my homework and that's what I've been doing ever since. I did talk on AIM with some people briefly. Which was a nice reprieve, even though I am beginning to loathe (Mary's pronunciation of course) it.
Tomorrow is Tuesday. I love Tuesdays. They rock.
trix. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Oct. 16th, 2004|01:31 pm] |
DERN I wanted that to work.
It didn't. |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
mooie_kip's journal